A pair of fabulous guests who stayed with me recently bought me Series 2 of the Office for my birthday. I cracked open the box last night and found a handy translator for Americans.

Anyway, since I thought it amusing, and that’s all I give a fuck about, I am going to share some of these gems with you here.

Slough Slang – The Local Lingo.

Alton Towers: A theme park situated in the Midlands which includes such attractions as Ribena Berry Bish Bash and Ye Olde Merrie England. Is reportedly a big disappointment. [Ed: I’d fucking say. I lost my virginity in the back of a yellow Triumph Dolomite to a bloke called Kelvin I met here. Big. Fucking. Disappointment. And the rest.]

Bread bin: A box used to store bread which is, contrary to the popular joke, probably bigger than a black man’s cock.

Kettle: An electrical device to boil water for tea, a leafy substance most Americans prefer in Boston harbor. [Ed: hahahahhaha we have such a superior sense of humour. You poor American things, you]

Minge: Another of the countless Britsh slang terms for vagina. Not to be confused with Madge, the British term of affection for Madonna.

Slappers: Tarts, whores etc. [Ed: fantastic word that takes me back to my youth]

OK, that’s all for today. More later. Tomorrow or something. Maybe. Actually probably, because I can’t be arsed to think up stuff on my own.