Overheard in my Head

Lady Number One: So what did you spend your bonus on this year?
Lady Number Two: Oh, having my ex killed.
Lady Number One: Oh that's wonderful. I am so happy for you.
Lady Number Two: Damn straight.

It's actually sex interchangeable. So don't be getting all hissy on me.

So the Orchestre National de France is amazing. Well it is as directed by the humanist Kurt Masur, who incidentally needs a tailor rapidement. He looked like he had a hump on his right shoulder, which any good tailor could hide (George W Bush's obviously therefore wasn't) and his trousers were way too short and badly hemmed. I'm sure this might have flown when he was with the New York Philharmonic but he is in France now. I'd suggest Duncan Quinn only I am not sure he'd get his suit back before he pops his clogs.

The old goat loves his musicians. He won't stop applauding them after the performance and the encore was "Flight of the Bumble Bee" which was one of his on his farewell night at the Lincoln Center when I saw the 2 lead viola players breakdown in tears. Bless them.

I wonder if classical musicians ever get pissed off that everyone who comes to hear them promptly closes their eyes and then usually falls asleep, the median age at Carnegie Hall being 92. Do people ever die there during a performance? They must do. I love to watch them all squirming around and jumping up and down in their seats but that's just me. Maybe it's because everyone in the orchestra spends the entire performance frowning although judging by the fresh red welts under their left jawlines I don't really blame them. I used to play the violin, badly and full of resentment for my parents, and those things bloody kill your neck and clavicle. Not to mention the hiding you get walking into school with one of those in a case.

Anyway, ET, if I die before you, make sure there's a nice bit of Ravel's Piano Concerto in G Major II Adagio assai blaring out to get everyone going. I nearly did tonight.

I have been puzzled by the existence of many things: mosquitos, computer games, the Pope, ski vacations, "The Devil Wears Prada", Switzerland, relationships, chicken fried anything. All have at certain stages of my life seemed entirely pointless. Especially Switzerland. But then there's that one stage of your life when you can pretty much doubt the validity of them all. When you realise that you're on the plateau. That's it. You are on coast. There's nothing to work for at work, if there ever was. There's no expectation of baby's first steps, daughter's wedding or being able to not have to worry about the price of shoes. You are never going to be wealthy and you are never going to squeeze out anyone to look after you when you can no longer afford the nursing home. This is the rest of your life. This, this, this. And more of the same. So why share it with anyone? Who would want a piece of nothing else of nothing much anyway? Going nowhere fast on your own seems somehow so much less selfish.

But then, things are never easy when it comes to pinot noir.

Damn straight. Nice to see a kiwi win. Must check out NZ pinots - I had overlooked them.

Alicia Keys was always beautiful but last night she looked amazing. Amazing like wow. Her dress, however, was terrible. No no no dear, that shapeless white sack was doing you no favours and looked like something straight out of Strawberry. Someone needs to fire Ms Keys’ stylist – it takes lot to make someone that gorgeous look that bad.

It was not too far off J-Lo’s nylon nightmare which was so hideous I laughed out loud. She was also singing flat and her ridiculous South American soap opera style duet was the only act I saw not to get a standing ovation. Funny that. Ms Lo’s stylist obviously has a sense of humor – whoever it is must be pissing themselves laughing at the range of atrocious outfits they have got her to wear. This one in particular scoring a 10 in the revolting stakes. Sweetheart, you can look really nice just try and avoid tacky.

Sometimes when I see or hear something so beautiful, whether it is a happy beautiful, sad beautiful, melodramatic or just weird I get a sharp pain in my chest, where my heart is natch, like a tear, like someone is pulling my heart apart. When it happens I always want to take a knife and just cut right there, lightly though. Does this make me Maggie Gyllenhal mad?

Anyway I got one last night watching Amelia at BAM by La La La Human Steps and the amazing Zofia Tujaka dancing in a grey suit with Billy Smith. Both on points. It’s beautiful darlings. Go see.



I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I'll be your mirror

I'm with Staten Island Chuck. Winter is over.

"PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. (AP) -- Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous furry forecaster, saw his shadow today on Gobbler's Knob, suggesting another six weeks of wintry weather.

But New York's answer to Phil, Staten Island Chuck, injected his own strong doubts when he did not see his shadow."


Nerrrr

Whoa - Gobbler's Knob? Are you guys high?

Craiglist

If anyone would like to sell me ticks for U2 that would be nice.

Also, DENZE is playing Julius Ceasar for 112 performances at the Belasco from March 8. Tickets are available on telecharge.