There are some things a lady of my status never likes to read and I found one such today on the "JC Report - Reporting on global trends"

New York
The cropped-top silhouette turning up everywhere this summer looks poised to shape a big fall trend. Put aside your preconceived notions about the rock 'n roll half t-shirt; this trend is sophisticated and high-fashion. Jackets, sweaters, and coats in silk, jersey, fur, denim, and lace — crop-cut directly below the breast — are popping up in a myriad of collections and styles, allowing for extremely different interpretations.

This only means one thing to me and that is exposed abdomen and exposed addomen hasn't been something I have taken public in years. Mainly because exposed abdomen is something I all too frequently regard in the mirror and believe me when I say that I am taking the hit for all of you. There are certain parts of a female body which will always show age: the neck, around the eyes and also the stomach. It's a part where the skin just loses elasticity - you can work it till it's rock hard but there will always be a telltale sag of the skin, a little creasing. I am apt to gaze lovingly at nice firm midriffs of the young. They are mesmorizing. Unfortunately when I was of an age to have been able to flaunt the youth in mine I was a grungy coverup and paunchy. Damn me.

I think this cropped top "high fashion phenomena" may be an indication that fashion revivals are now every three years which was when I last remember seeing adolescent pot bellies in abundance. Or maybe I am totally out of it. Errr yes I am. No maybe. I am beyond caring in any event since I am currently overwhelmed with a beer gut which Thomas Keller made for me on Sunday in Yountville. Cheers Tom. Nice kobe beef by the way.

However, I did find a little gem in the JC Report in the guise of this:


Girly-girls aren't the only group in on the short cut. Diesel updates the classic hoodie by blunt-cutting it below the breast. Worn alone or over a tank the look is street, but not hard.

Oh dear. Street but not hard. Where is the Quadrophenia reference at least? Get out some more love is the only advice I have for you.

We also have these hot tips from someone called Justine Hariri who is an "image maker"

What's hot right now...

"Issey Miyake's giant flower brooches from his Spring 2005 Collection; Jsen Wintle's luxurious menswear line; Marisaal hand-embroidered surrealist toiles; Jason Miller's slightly off "Seconds" Tea Set; Toby Wong's stunning glass candlesticks; the color black (especially for weddings), and broken hearts as in Won Kar-Wai's 2046."

Do people really take themselves this seriously? When is someone going to say Old Navy t-shirts or anything in your wardrobe if you are drunk enough? When when when. The only thing interesting I have read on this site was when it said that hot jeans for men were skinny leg and saggy arse - i.e. 1983 all over again. Roll on, I thought and then realized that it was over 20 years ago and I remembered thinking about how I had thought that I was all grown up and that. And street. And hard.

I think there must be something wrong with me. The internet is boring me these days. I just can't find the endless energy I once had to surf. I am no longer sucked in through the looking glass. I sit at my desk and work. The satisfaction of my clients pleases me and I make helpful, and dare I say, insightful, comments in meetings.

Actually, that last bit was a lie. I still scowl, since being even remotely interested in anything work related is, AS WE ALL KNOW, extremely uncool. When it comes to career I am straight on to the back of the bus, my friends. My place is most definitely backseat with an occaisional moon at passing cars.

What is wrong then? I ask of myself. One of the two questions that constantly plague me. The other, of course, being - why the fuck aren't you rich, bitch?

Perhaps as I spiral down the otherside of middle age - spiral yet with ever better shoes and a complexion that seems to thankfully be finally clearing up at last - no zits just sun damage - yay! - I am finally getting middle aged. One thing I realized this year was that I am now out of VH1's demographic. VHfucking1. I actually went to the VH1UK launch party at Camden Lock. Christ I thought as I snogged Chris Evans, these people are old. The entire programming at that stage consisted of Dire Straits. Just like my checking account.

In other news, someone I know who is insanely wealthy just lost a lot of it, and I mean lost more than Chad ever had, last month. I think to have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all. Unless it was money, in which case I have no idea how to help you out with that one, since I am a fantasist who has always believed that I had more money than I ever did. It's nice though and you can only do it when there is only you. Introduce another person into that world and the facade crumbles quicker than a Cadbury's Flake. New York is an expensive habit.

I read the Neal Pollack article copied from Salon by Lady D with an ever increasing sense of horror. It confirmed so many fears I have about kids and having them; that they will completely fuck up my life (not that there is any I have that is so great that I can’t give up ‘cept the pals who would hopefully not flee in droves just cos I had a monstrous baby) but that I would never be able to forgive the sprog for it.

I have seen friends and family reproduce, I have watched lives being altered forever and I have seen how a child can shatter relationships (which were fairly crap to begin with, mind, so whose loss? Probs not even kids) but I have always witnessed a bond between parents and the screaming bundle of need, even if the father’s is some months or maybe years delayed in its occurring. A bond which puts the kid first most, if not all, of the time.

What really revolted me was Mr Pollack’s emphasis on how SMART his kid is and how so cute and obviously above average. Yawn. I shudder to think what would have happened if the kid had been remotely autistic, slightly below average IQ or ugly. Poor tiny two year old full of need. I wonder what his future will bring - therapy and happy pills? I’d project he will grow up resenting his parents, maybe just because they have demonstrated so publically that they resent him as a two year old. But maybe because they are just not rich.